Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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