she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize