I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
