i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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