I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
