fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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