Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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