school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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