omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
