I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
