Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
