If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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