Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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