I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
