Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
