What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
