I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
