Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
