I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
