Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
