HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
