I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
