i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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