I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
