Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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