my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
