he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
