Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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