I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
