She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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