Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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