My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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