Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
