I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
