Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we're so committed to being not committed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
