So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
