just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need moral support for this bender
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
