apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
