I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
