When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
