He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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