so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
