im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Congratulations! We have a period
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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