his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize