All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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