Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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