i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
