Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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