And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
