I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
