So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
