i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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