the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
