smell my finger.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I love how my cats smell like pot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
