:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
