So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am available for nakedness
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
