so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
