Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
