and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i now understand why vodka
Sext me about skeletons
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
