I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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