He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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