don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
