You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
