I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
