meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
