i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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