oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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