Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He better not be in your backpack
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
