its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Farmville is her only friend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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