so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
